A Spiritual Experience

As I sat in the family car waiting for the light to change I, for a split second, knew what the meaning of life and existence was all about. The knowing came and left, leaving me frustrated as I tried, in vain, to remember what it was I knew. The only remaining aspect of the experience that lingered was a subtly sublime feeling which seemed to be a part of the awareness. Since I could remember the feeling, I had the mistaken idea I might recapture the awareness. I was young, but based on my experience I knew that what we all experience in life as real is but a fraction of what is really out there. For the rest of my life I would be ambivalent about anything spiritual. On the one hand, I had my experience. And on the other hand, I heard the voices of the so called spiritual experts who claimed a knowledge and talked about undocumented experiences that, they maintained, proved their spiritual superiority. They, like the religionists I distrusted, create institutions that prosper because they offer false solutions to people’s fear of dying. I know it’s all much more complicated than the so called experts would have us believe. The only hunch I have, based on my early, unexplained experience and my life after it is that our existence, in some measure, has something to do with love. In any case, I am writing about this experience at this point in my journey because it happened to me in my thirteenth year. As I promised in the introduction, I will elaborate on the subject of love in a later story. I don’t remember when, but I wrote a short poem about this powerful experience which I offer to you now.

“The Silent Second”

My soul was touched in a silent second
Never to be recaptured by conscious effort or subconscious analysis
A fleeting second of knowing, beyond any attempt at mundane explanation
What was it? Will it come again? I Hope!
Mistake it not for déjàvou, reverie or Alpha mus
Prepare for failure at all attempts at recapturing its unknowing presence
Success was in its coming
You knew and forgot your knowing
And only know you knew